Shame

I think the single most emotionally//psychologically damaging effects of tmau is that it causes immense shame.

Shame is that feel in of "I am am Bad and worthless in my core", "I am a defective human being", "I have no value."

Because of the fact that I am a Highly Sensitive Person, a approval addict and have had questionable self esteem since I was young-- I have always had a unconscious struggle with shame

But tmau has brought that struggle out and in the forefront

The more I read about shame the more I see how shame driven I am and those around me are.

Shame is an emotion that is more or less unbearable to the human mind. You ignore it, distract yourself from it, project it onto someone else or self punish (emotionally/ physically) to escape the shame...all of which are  harmful ways of coping.

So how does one cope with Shame? What about with the shame from tmau?

I don't have the answers yet....but I do have ways I have tried to cope 

1. Read about people who have struggled badly in life and still live and thrive in the ways they can. One of my favorite inspirations is Stephanie Neilson- wife, mother, author- who suffered life altering burns from an accident

She has encouraged my days

2. Write to God. Some days He is the ONLY one I can communicate with. Some days I am very alone, emotional/ physically-- but He is there. 

3.Ask yourself-- "Is this logical shame?" Of course I should feel ashamed or a feeling of badness if I harm a innocent person. That is logical. It can cause change and restoration. It is however VERY ILLOGICAL for me to feel bad about a condition I didn't ask for and can not control. 

Moments of rejection are painful and its hard to block out hurt in those moments but later in your quiet time calm yourself with the understanding that you don't need to feel guilt or shame-- you have done nothing wrong.

4. Find a counselor you can trust( someone compassionate and safe) to tell about your tmau struggles to

I am still struggling daily with shame. In some moments it is disabling and I have to just watch a movie to escape the pain of it. But...

every day there is new hope

and hope is stronger than shame