Today the weather was beautiful. I put on some blue jeans, a rose colored tee, and flip flops. When I got inside the classrooms on campus, I was freezing. Air conditioner was on full blast( and I adore the cold) but it was too cold.
Long day.
Finished around 9pm.
I'm glad to be home-now in a long sleeve shirt and socks!
So today was.....tense. Ugh. I have to be honest. I'm in a rough season and I'm baffled whether or not I'm handling it right. Should I have pushed back school till my health was better? ( annoying liver and sluggish thyroid) Should I have taken one class,instead of three? Should I have not started graduate school at all knowing my health was a issue. I DON'T KNOW! I just don't. I don't! All I can say is I tried my best to handle it the way that seemed right to me at the time. I feel my graduate school experience has been drastically diminished due to my health. However, I am enjoying the subjects, novels, professors- just my personal and social life struggles- makes me sad.
However... I know that it will get better. Like I said my health issues has made it so toxins do not leave my body properly, causing a host of issues and put my tmau into overdrive. So you can imagine why socially there is a struggle.... Ive been able to make several nice friends though, and I am grateful for that. I cant change what has happened.
I cant be "ashamed" about not handling things "perfect"-
I'm not a robot
And I promise I will find the joy in every day. I found it today, driving home and enjoying the music, swaying a little.... I have joy now, realizing that everything happens for a reason- and eating some oatmeal and raisins and listening to music...the kind that makes me want to dance.....
God bless.
Sincerely,
Black Rose
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