So today was painful/ good

I cant help thinking so much recently....
Does everything happen for a reason? Does everything that happens have to happen? Does every tear I cry or moment of angst matter?

I think so. I really do.

I'm taking that approach with tmau. Sometimes I imagine my life without it, how much more carefree everything would be, people I would have been able to get close to, friendships that would have lasted. Its kind of awful, that feeling of loss, and not being able to be in control- but I remind myself there are far more difficult struggles. People have been in war and suffer from intense PTSD that keeps them from living freely, there are burn victims that have had to cope with the loss of their body or face as they knew it, there are people who were born without limbs, or sight, or developed mental capabilities.
I am very blessed- regardless.
So about my day..... For one thing I don't like sitting really close to people in class. Luckily two out of three of my classes is spaced out. But today, in that one class, I think I was bothering the girl next to me. I was really( really really really) fed up with the stress of it and was like....forget it...I'm just going to say something...
I called my mom after class, all teary eyed and what not. I decided I would just go to the girl, tell her I have tmau and that there is not anything I can do about it but that I am working with it.

And guess what :)....I did it! (First time ever telling someone besides family)
She was kind and just was like okay, your fine, okay. I appreciated how nice she was about it actually.

My nerves are still a little shot, having done something so out of my norm, but I'm also glad. I have a feeling my tmau occurrences are going to get less and less since my liver and thyroid health is being restored ( I am working with the most wonderful natural doctor ever). All the vitamins and treatment for that really aggravated my tmau. When I am healed I am going to ask him about tips for my tmau.
Anyway.....I just got in not long ago. Its black blue outside. The moons out. I'm going to eat, maybe watch some youtube video's and relax.

Everything is going to be okay.

Sincerely,

Black Rose